Outdoorsy

Yet another post after a long time!!

So where was I during this long interval? Well, I was just feeling too lazy to write. Lethargy is something which is woven into my DNA.

After my previous post, I went along to join a MBA coaching institute, Endeavour, to prepare for GMAT. It's a 3 month course. I had my hopes high when I had first joined in, but lady luck seemed to have been snubbed by me. First of all, of all the beautiful girls in the institute, there were none in my batch. We were a batch of 8 boys. To top it off, the teaching has been pathetic. No doubt some faculties are good enough, but the one for Mathematics (co-incidentally my weak point) is a jackass. A thin bespectacled guy, with hair tied into a small pony. He teaches at breakneck speed, with no stops at all. An IVR has better voice modulation than him. Incidentally, all the 15 grand that I put into this circus of a Preparatory course seems to have been another one of my stupid choices. No doubt people call it Underwear instead of Endeavour. Damn!!!

From Business Developer, now, I am a Business proposal writer and I also write articles. Yippie!! Atlast, something that I like to do. But as the rule of my life, I have now started hating this too. Not much excitement here. I wished to write on current happenings or wanted to opine upon the talk of the town. Unfortunately, I have been writing regular informative articles for all our clients based on their website. The topics range from Financial market, prescription drugs, Jewelry and even Sex toys. Phew!!! What a waste!

The world is reeling under recession and everyone is in the fear of losing their job. There are a few openings coming around, but I am just not applying as I am sure that it will screw my chances at the MBA entrance tests.

Another of my friend is moving to Mumbai for finding a job and I wish I could join him too. But, I am just not finished here, in Ahmedabad. Though we are running out of hangouts and something exciting to do in weekends, however, due to very limited resources there's absolutely no development in that area.

With no respite from heat, the days are slowly becoming tiresome and uninteresting.

With my dad retiring in a couple of months, the pressure is on. I need to take some big risks but I am a coward. Risks are not something that I can handle.

I am stuck in a long dark unending tunnel, looking for a ray of light through a small opening that can guarantee my freedom. But, will I ever find it is anybody's guess.

Damn!! A few of my school friends actually got married. And ya, they were guys. If any of my girl friend's were getting married, then it was justified, coz according to the word of the elders and our never ending social traditions and all that blah blah...... if the girl is not married by the age of 24, its a disgrace!! Is it that their hormones are the most active at that time?! Damn, I will have to google it!!

Anyways, this ain't a post to discuss about female hormonal changes and stuff. The thing that bothered me was.... how could those friends of mine get married at this age, i.e. 24. I feel so pity for them. One of them actually mentioned in his invite that it was his father's decision and that he and his fiance gradually got to know each other and now are ready to take the plunge. The other, well, it was a Love marriage. Weirdos!!!

And to top it off, a friend of one of my office colleague attempted suicide as he was lovelorn. The girl apparently, was no more interested. Moron!!

I am glad that I am not surrounded by such people in my daily life. Its more about enjoying life than worry about commitments and stuff. A more sensible lot. Most of them are much older to me and are living life on their own terms. That's a relief!!

I've been in and out of love lately. The first time I was in such a phase, I was badly smothered. I was under the impression that she liked me too, romantically, and after a long time of remaining under this impression, when she revealed that I was mistaken, all hell broke loose.

I've been more careful since then. And trust is something, I use scarcely.

However, as it may be, even now, I am stuck in the same situation. The only difference this time is that it is a different girl. I tried to be more cautious, however, my feelings do overtake my mind at times and the result is...... I am not sure if this is gonna work out. Though, she is sure that this is not gonna work out, I had been pushing my luck hard. But now, with a lot of communication gap and with her disinterested and aloof attitude, it has taken its toll on me. I have a huge ego, that is almost invisible, but the moment I feel a bit of discrimination.... whoosh... that's the end of it!! I better conserve my luck for better times as I don't like it when someone makes me feel low.

People tell me there's no place for ego in such relationships. Yeah, I know that and I do advise others the same. But, it doesn't work out the same way with me. I am already recovering from a bruised ego and if there's another one on the the way, I better be invincible.

And then when people ask me, 'How come you are still single dude?!', I say 'That's not my priority right now!!' Isn't that the best defense! Damn, I love my way with words!! Sarcasm is my best offense and defense!!

Last few days in office. Time passes by very soon. The evening classes are fun but boring. The faculties are a pain in the ass. Made some good friends there.

Switched over the evening hangout from the 'Chaiwallah' to 'BarleyWaterwallah'. Its a place where you get Barley water, that tastes the same as Beer, sans the alcohol. Its a great place. We try out various combination and chat away!!

Back home, its internet again. Sometimes, I sit and think, if it wasn't for the Internet, I would have lost out a lot in life. Damn!!

Hasn't this post grown in size. Time to stop, and get back to work. After all, that's what I am paid for at work.

Ciao!!!

Damn!! Posting after a long time. Phew!!

Strange but true, I have begun to like my job now. I get my own space, make my own decisions and have become an integral part of the process. Closed some good and important deals and now there's no looking back!! Though, I have already quit, to make up some time for studies as well. But, I will be working part-time for the experience.

Another good news, is that I will be also doing some content writing for our websites. It was a long time plan, and finally I was able to convince me that I can do much better than the dimwits they have employed!!

And finally, after years of pondering on, I started the preps for MBA. Damn!!! Never knew, it would take so long.

Seems like God wants me to be away from distractions, so still no luck with any ladies romantically. Though he prefers me to be confused than being sure, I am used to it as confusion has been a big part of my life and has sometimes worked in my favor too. Loved this video, kinda of romance I would like to be in:



Joined the gym too , but just went for 2 weeks. I am unable to stick to it. But, I guess, I will have to make it a part of my routine. Its on my 'To-do' list!!

Suddenly, once again it seems, so much to achieve and so less time. Gotta speed things up a bit and focus.

Though, I am pushing my luck hard, I am wishing to take some calculated risks.

Once again after around 6 months, I am in that phase of life again where I seem to wonder................ what next?!

Everything seems to be so shortlived for me!! Damn!!

The job sux...... previously (at Motif) it was the job that sucked.... but now its the people here that are a big pain in my ass . Everywhere I go, trouble seems to follow me. The only shortlived ecstasy that I had was a visit to Roha, a place in Maharashtra with my long lost friends as part of a spiritual tour. So many memories of those days and relationships rekindled. Its a grt feeling. I just hope I don't lose them all.... once again.... like I do.

Gearing up for another trip to Kerala during Christmas , once again for a spiritual meet. Now, the people who know me quite well would be like 'Spiritual meet + Thomas = '. Naah, I am just going there for my friends, to be with them and to have a break from this hell a.k.a Office!

Just attended one of close friend's wedding , my college buddy. Twas all fun and awe. Worn a Sherwani for the first time ever in my life.......... and I enjoyed it. Wasn't so conscious as I felt I would be (thank you to all those who compelled me to). Back after wedding, there is no news of our newly wed friend (read 'Jackass') as he's still enjoying marital bliss. What the....?? But, I guess, everyones like that.

Suddenly, I have once again realized that I need to do my Masters. Had been googling for colleges for the past couple of days. Haven't found anything substantial though.

Getting bored of the job, fun, life and the people around me and I need to get over it, fast!!

Only a miracle can save me now!!!

Well............... a long time already. My blog has also faced the brunt of my laziness. Like everything, when I started......... it was all fun but gradually.... I've lost interest. Whatever!!

Mumbai, a city brought down on its knees by 10 gun totting individuals. How pathetic? Though I am sympathetic, I was wondering 'What does it take to realise how hopeless our country bcoz of the people who head it are?' I was all the while glued to TV at home and the Internet at work, to get the latest updates. It was more like watching a movie for me. And I was all the while wishing that the terrorists would bombard some of the political bigwigs. I could have never been more happy.

Its all over and now we have candle marches to shop solidarity and protest. But will it help?! Only college going students and some upper class people attend this rally. Common people stay away. Coz, they know, its all gonna lead to nothing. Most of them participate just bcoz of the hep crowd, media presence and well, its a party of sorts.

After a month, people will start realising what a dork they've been, get back to work and forget about everything, leaving Mumbai vulnerable again. The bloody politicians (Bastards) will be back to their blame games and will care a damn about the security. I don't understand why people expect support from politicians who terrorise and mobilize masses of people in the name of religion, the well known Saffron Brigade. It was a pity that they were not sent to ward off these terrorists.

And who can forget the very brave Mr. Raj Thackeray. I wished to send the 'Sena' brigade in the forefront alongwith the 'Trishul' hurling Saffron Brigade lead by our firebrand leaders like Togadia, Thackeray, Achuthananthan, Deshmukh n all!!

We talk about reforming the police and all, but what about the constitution itself. No longer does a Traffic cop us for flouting the rules that we have our mobiles out to call somebody influential . If the rules are meant to be broken, why create them in the first place. I seriously doubt any reforms taking place in the near future.

If we get any time apart from trying to kill each other over caste, religion, region and stupid politicians, we may well have a start somewhere.

Enough of blabbering, this was one thing that affected me so I had post it.

Its been such a long time since I posted. I have never made such wrong choices in my life than now and I don't seem to figure out whether I m really affected by them. Its been 2 months since I left my job and I am still @ home, figuring out where I want to head to, next!! The people who cleared engineering with me are so very ahead of me that I wonder what I m doing with my life. Most of them are abroad minting dollars, some are here in India employed with great companies and the rest of them are married and enjoying the best of both worlds!!! And I have not yet managed to make a headway into my future.

Masters in business Administration is what I want to do now and that too in Media and Advertising, however, I am so much affected by the negativity around me that I am still skeptical about the choices I make. My Dad is hell bent on reminding me that I should do some job in IT or atleast Masters in IT as I have graduated in it. But, how do I tell him that graduation was a full on vacation for me!! And, apart from the letters 'I' and 'T', I don't give a damn about what the subject has.

My mom wants me to do anything that others are doing and are a bit successful in. If someone goes to bloody America, earns dollars and manages to find a good mallu bride, she wants me to do that. If someone gets an MBA from some unknown college and still lands up with a mediocre managing job with the blood-sucking ICICI bank, she wants me to do that. The list is just endless and I am tired of listening to her.

My sister doesn't care what I do but she wants to make it big. Its same as me. I don't care what I do, but I want to make it big.

I wanted to get into design, but after failing to make it thru NID, I have shelved those plans. I know I am a bit good with music and with the people I hang around with,I get impressed by their good and glamorous life and think of starting to pick up the guitar strings, but, well, I know its too difficult. I still have plans to go abroad for my Masters, however, I am scared of the thought about wht happens if I fail there too. I want to get into Media and Advertising but I am skeptical about its scope and my gowth in such a competetive industry. My parenst are worried about me, my friends are worried about me and even I am worried about me.

Too much of negativity in my life!! It has always been there. Its lke when something starts to work out and starts to paint a pretty picture.......... I somehow manage to lose it or mess it up!! Everything that I have ever been excited about has come crashing.

But then, I realise, there are others who are more screwed up than me and more messed up than me. I am still not at the 'Point of no return'!!

All good things come to an end. I realised it long back and unfortunately, I keep on realising these things again and again. Its high time I start priortising things in my life. I cannot have everything, though I wish it would be true. People are indeed selfish, though they don't show it off. Even though I know that, at some point, I like the attention but then, it's the same old story again.

How can I make myself better is a question which is still unanswered?? Everytime I plan a way out of this monotony, something good happens and makes me change my mind. But, unfortunately, it is shortlived. And then I am back to square one!!

When the bloody hell will I realise and rise above the temptations that life puts forth!!!

I am frustrated, but that's just a phase!! I hope so.........